Saturday, 4 October 2014

How not to mow the grass

So I visited the 'old course' at St Andrews over the weekend with some golfing nuts I use to call friends. To be fair only one is a golfing nut. How on earth do I know a golfing nut, but he's aimaible enough and he cooks so I guess we'll pass that one by? Although golf?  My grannie always use to say that golf, is for people who like they're countryside ironed. Not cool in my book. Probably the most manicured and expensive grass on the planet and sadly right beside a cracking beach too, spoilt by a bit or grass ironing in my opinion. However, on Sundays, I learnt from said golfing lunatic, you get to stomp on it for free and walk your dogs, cats and any other animals you'd like. Although maybe not horses. So impressed were the hounds that they left a wee 'steamy' present each on the grass and watered it freely. I did chuckle a bit.  Not the kind of place I'd normally walk but it seemed like a big thing for him so I thought why not. [By the way, its very flat and the grass looks kinda not real its so short, just so you know]

But on the subject of lawn keeping, I can't say I'm quite as precise as the green keepers at the golf courses in St Andrews. You'll not find perfectly criss-crossed attention to detail on my lawns. If that's your thing then grand. But mainly I see lawn-mowing as an outdoor hoovering exercise. To be done in any manner that gets the job done. 

Some like to mow/hoover in straight lines
Some like to shuffle back and forward
As you please I'd say.
As long as the swaithe (the short bit left after the outdoor hoovering) is to your liking, do as you please.

I like mowing in swirls and swishes like an impressionist painting.

I do, it makes me chuckle.

Anyway that's how I attack the mowing, I get there in the end. Yup I tidy it up but the swirls and swishes sadly disappear after the first wee rain fall or dew. Shame really.

For the record, I like weeds in my lawn, pretty ones, they're good for the bees. And I like bare patches, I'm sure some wildlife enjoys a bit of bare earth in the green dessert of a lawn. And I definitely don't add any chemicals - honestly why apply stuff that kills the diversity and might make it grow faster. Have you ever heard of anyone applying 'carpet dust growing powder' to their carpets, to let them hoover them more often. No, I don't think so. And as for moss, OK so it might be a bit of a nuisance when its wet but its spongy and fun to spring along under and can host lots of wee bugs and stuff. Leave it alone, who ever heard of moss attacking you? Its hardly a harmful creature. Birds love it for their nests, so leave it be happy in your lawn. Why not. Spend your money on better things like sausages or Spandau Ballet records, what ever floats your boat, don't spend it on lawn chemicals I plead of you.

Mind you back to the old course in St Andrews. What I did find there was a golf ball growing habitat - all the balls nicely 'hatched' or grown like mushrooms all over a special enclosure. The golfing nut told me it was a driving range, but I say its where they grow golf balls and what does he know anyway. What did make me chuckle was the amount of wild flowers I encountered on the 'auld course' one of which included daisies, clover and (shock horror) ragwort. As shoddy as my green keeping skills are, I ain't go no ragwort in my lawn. Pop along on a Sunday and help them to spot their weeds, tell them how bonnie they are I'm sure they'd appreciate that very much. Just say I sent you. There's a billion green keepers I'm sure one of them might listen.

So chaps if you're gonna iron yer countryside chaps, at least do it properly.

Until next time, keep those green fingers active. Swirl those lawns whilst you're doing your 'outdoor hoovering', home call it mowing but lets face it its more like hoovering the garden. So stripes and blocks are SO last year, set yourself free when mowing, why not.


  1. oooo! well met another-who-loves-to mow by the brushstroke method!! It is a pleasure instead of a chore.

  2. Your grannie just made me laugh! I like her!

  3. Yes, free up you lawn mowing style - love it. Jack