Sunday 18 September 2011

Lasses who fight with lawnmowers

My new recycled hat - 20p, OK so its kinda mustard coloured but for 20p I think its rather fetching.
Well todays been a rough and tumble kinda day, I had a post on the merits of the noble and beautiful Calendula and all its virtues but to be honest having fought, and I mean fought hard and long with my lawn mower today I'm less than inclined to bestow the virtues the noble Marigold, it deserves peace and tranquility for its blogging, not a very rumpled, half battered lassie nursing her lawnmowing wounds and cursing still at the petulance of lawnmowers who, quite frankly, don't know when to just behave. And, as I spent most of the day discussing the behaviour of said petulant mower with it (yes the mower), and how gardeners require a decent sense of humour to be able to survive and I did think of a blog I love, where garden humour abounds (sorry Linnew, humor in your spelling), 'Women who run with delphiniums'.

That being said, today started rather well, a bit dull but not windy. You see you cut your hedge back, on saturday in a 40 mph wind, fearing the worst winds will come and low and behold the wind bogs off. Typical.  I actually watched a cow munching on a branch which had clearly fallen over the fence (I've saved the rest for cuttings, wrong time of year I know, but hey why not try?), cows it would appear, eat willow. Thankfully only when cut, I find it hard enough to grow in the wind without cows taking to dipping into my garden for food.
Now the hedge don't look half bad cut - I've trimmed it at the fence level - instantly the scary bending and crazy dancing it does in the wind is reduced. Rather a trimmed hedge than a smashed one. I'm aiming to cut the rest to ground level next march/april - coppiced willow does well here and having done the research (how cool is it to say that?) my research concluded that cutting willow back after the first year lead to significantly lower survival, whilst cutting back after two years was better, the plants were more established. Therefore I'll cut mine back after two years, in line with excellent current research (!), pertinent to Orkney. The cows are also happy, they can now see over the fence into the garden.
Now, I've also hacked back, um I mean hard pruned half the scraggy elder hedge which was by the burn (ok, its a drainage ditch, let me believe its a bonny burn (small river). I've done this to promote vigorous growth, not you understand to look at the polytunnel, which is by the way still here, despite the wind. NO, I've done it purely to be kind to the hedge - I'll do the other half next year.  The chooks, obviously supervised my work and went to inspect.
And, so to tales of pesky lawnmowers who don't know their place. This beast is recycled, (freecycle) and had one careful male owner previously. I'm neither male, nor a very careful owner or mower. And, boy does this mower object to that. As we started our mowing task today, in the garden, I won't call it a lawn, that would envisage images of beautiful turf, lets face facts I've a field fenced in for a garden, the grass is at best 'improved pasture' the grass content is, quite frankly, minimal, its a combination of thistles, docks, buttercups with a bit of grass in there to save me being done by the trades description act. I think the lawnmower objects to this in principle. Its a 'lawnmower' not a tractor. We do have a mini tractor/sit on lawnmower, who's quite frankly to posh to mow, or so it thinks, it prefers jaunts to the beach and being a tractor. Therefore me and the trusty electric recycled mower, cut the green stuff that we call the grass.
Well, when I say we cut grass, we do this when the mower feels like it. Mowing is my job, not the job of the teenage boy, he hoovers, I mow, a decent enough swap as what is mowing but hoovering whilst in the garden, my domain. Today, however, the mower decided it was too wet to mow. Which as I explained was true, but given the forecast, it wasn't likely to get any better and today was the day to cut the grass. It was also too long, it objected. Again, I know, read the previous sentence, its been wet for days, or even weeks and the only dry day we were polytunnelling. Not its fault, it complained, it could have done it in the dry. Again, I tried to persuade it into action. Again, tempermental. Eventually after alot of wrestling, we succeeded. However, as we finished up, it decided to mangle the remnents of the marigolds. Just for kicks. I'm sure I heard it laugh or at least snort.

It sniggered and blamed the dog, the dog blamed the chickens, in hope of extra grub if they were in the bad books he'd get more food. I blamed the cows for distracting me with their moo-ing as I went to mow a circle around the marigolds. Cows find mowing a pasture which is pretending to be a garden lawn, hysterical, they have no idea why we don't just eat it.
The crime scene, mashed up marigolds, perfectly cut 'grass'

21 comments:

  1. Oh lovely Fay, you do make me laugh, I can just imagine you having 'words' with the lawnmower!

    Pesky things getting ideas above their station :) xx

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  2. Jenni, I wasn't happy!

    Never mind I'd taken the time to (as I thought) amble round the garden looking at flowers a you mow would make it so cranky?

    Pesky indeed!

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  3. you do like making life hard Fay, my ground is too uneven for anything that has to be pushed so I use a strimmer, I'm amazed you can garden on a Sunday!!!!! not here on Lewis, good luck with the polytunnel, Frances

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  4. Oh my word! And here was me doing a bit of my suburban patch with shears! At least I didn't have to give the shears a good talking to!

    Well done you for finishing the job - sorry the marigolds got a bit scratched, I'm sure they'll recover.

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  5. Very funny,Fay.You just can't trust machines these days can you? What you need is a trip to the Mart for a scythe...

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  6. Frances, it's more relaxed here, no restrictions on Sunday's. I did try the strummer which started, stuttered and gave up. Pesky machines! Ta for popping past!

    Jan, it's not a huge patch, I'm just a winge!

    Janet, your not wrong, I may pop ower tae the mart. The ground is just guttry, it's so saturated. I fear for the harvest, it's guy soggy here.

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  7. It is quite obvious that the mower wished to contemplate the view and not be bothered with mundane stuff. The cows over the fence from me have learned that mowing gets them the odd handful of fresh stuff blown in their direction, so they usually provide an audience.

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  8. Oh dear! OK, firstly, your willow hedge is looking grand, and it is very cool that you can use excellent local research to help you plan your coppicing. Secondly, of course I believe you, the elder hedge clearly needed a haircut, and it definitely has nothing to do with being able to admire your striking garden sculpture. Finally, cutting grass in the wet - oh yes, been there, got the (stained with green) T shirt. Second only to strimming as a phenomenally stressful chore. Strimming wins because the dratted cord always snaps just when you think you have it all under control. I always spent more time re-setting the cord than actually strimming. Get a goat - free cheese and milk, plus stress-free grass trimming!

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  9. Laughed my pants off at this post. I've been suffering through mowing my own pseudo lawn these past weeks while hubby is out of town. In the end the lawnmower died after I drove it into the compost bin. Not sure who gets the last laugh there. Shame about the marigolds.

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  10. Oh Fay, this was such a fun read, so funny, but I can totally relate to your lawnmower struggles. They are simply the most mercurial machines on earth and I can't tell you how many conflicts and bad language I have shared with them in my life. I have a gas-powered pull-the-rope-till-you-drop kind that I intend to engage with (as in 'engage with the enemy') today -- it won't be pretty. --I am so excited about your poly-tunnel too. The red sky images in the earlier post, with your wonderful house in silhouette, awesome! Nice work on the hedge, but then you did have the advantage of that local research... ps: thanks much for the site mention too!

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  11. A lovely giggly five minute read for me Fay. Thanks. Your writing is just getting more fluid and fun by the post. When will I read about you in the Guardian supplement I wonder.

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  12. I think the Orcadian are missing a trick...or do you already write for them?

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  13. Kininivie, now that could be very true, mowers do like a good view and cows can be opportunist feeders, I love that they are curious rather than scared of me and the mower. The chickens oddly cower when the mower comes out, as does the dog, can't think of what mower related trauma they've ever been subjected to in the past.......

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  14. Janet, garden sculpture, brilliant! Been meaning to cut the elder back for yolks, cough. Strimming oh you've summed it up. Temperamental beasts, I've three (I dunno why, I must strim less than a dozen times a year) each temperamental in their own delightful way. Often I think scissors would be easier.........after mowing I always look like I've been attacked by a green grass blaster, I'm far from elegant. A goat you say......

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  15. Marguerite oh dear, can you sweeten the news with a shiny new mower? Compost bins are often known for just materialising out of nowhere, so I hear, the plastic ones remind me of the tardis. I also think mowers have some sensor to detect what you want to avoid and they hurtle towards it. Like in my garden, the only thing left flowering, marigolds, what did I mish up, um marigolds. It's like they have a homing sensor or something! Glad you at least had a laugh and found out you weren't alone.....all mowers appear to be tricksy!

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  16. Linnew! I can't use a pull the cord until you bop yourself in the face kind, I've midget arms that just can't get a cord to work, after many years of similar language to your cursing, I've just given up trying. It is indeed engaging with the enemy. I'm not a mowing fan, therefore mowers are predisposed to despise me I fear. Thanks for lovely comments regarding house/tunnel, we rent and are thoroughly grateful for our gorgeous view.

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  17. Cheri your every kind, I think alys is safe for now. Her gardening exploits do seem a bit more Focussed and less comedic, but maybe the elegance hides a secret life of garden calamity too? I do love her writing. Can't imagine me out there in a frock talking politely to a mower.

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  18. Janet, I don't write for anyone except you lovely lot at the moment. I miss elaines planticru notes very much. There are folk writing gardening for the local magazine. I am however teaching again this year, the poor souls, um I mean students, last two years I had my hand held (metaphorically, don't panic mr flowers) by 'you know who', whilst I had my garden class L plates on. After two years of that I've been let loose alone, gulp. Thankfully he'll be teaching in the next room so when folk run out screaming, he can offer his sage advise!

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  19. Ps if you know a good contact at the orcadian..........:)

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  20. I don't know anyone at the Orcadian,came across the folk at Radio Orkney a few times. We miss Dave Gray and co of a morning....

    If you're teaching the gardening what is subject is C doing? Of course we were his most memorable students....

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  21. He's doing his garden class, im doing a veggie gardening one we developed together, ie he imbided wisdom and I frantically scribbled

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