Thursday, 22 May 2014

The Garden - a very dull 'preview'

As we hope to get the keys a week on Friday - I thought we'd talk about the garden.

I wonder how many folks rampage through a house viewing, like me, JUST to get to the garden and see what's out there. The selling particulars NEVER let you know exactly what you're getting and make it sound as dull as dishwater.  And often there's only one picture which tells you almost nothing.

To be honest I really think they could do a bit more to help us gardeners - don't you? And unlike the loo which is fully measured and described, far too infomation if you ask me. As for the garden, the heart of the home, you get NO dimensions what so ever. Super unhelpful I'd say. So I thought I'd give you the description and WHAT it SHOULD have said. You know if it actually had been any help to us gardeners!

The new house garden 
(very bonnie but a very dull description.)

 A wooden gate opens into the rear garden. 
(What it should say - garden gates in great nick, offers some protection from wind but if you go out in your pants to get the washing in, the neighbours will see your bum, if you're a mind to do that additional screening might be required. Just saying) And whilst we're at it, this route is quickest to garden, probably park this side. OK so its on the street, but its hardly the M60, its a quiet village, I doubt anyone will mind.

To the rear there is an exceptionally large attractive garden which is formed over split level. 
Lets do the dimensions - its 60m by 9m, the front is adjacent to the street with a small alpine border outside the front rooms. A wee side area which was a garage before.

(What it should say in the description - bonnie garden quite spacious OK so its NOT Chelsea, but its large enough to potter about in happily  for the whole day and night and let you grow most things you want and still leave it in the summer to go on holiday. No you don't need a green keeper, but you can buy lots of plants as its quite sheltered. And YES there is ample room for chickens and the garden is fenced/walled so its quite private - just remember to improve the bit by the gate for that early morning sojourn into the garden in your undies.)

The lower level is laid out as a large mono blocked patio providing access to the kitchen and the conservatory. 
What it should say - there's a flat bit by the back of the kitchen and the doors open straight on to it. Perfect for tables and benches and pots and barbeques and just nipping out in bare feet (no sore gravel) to do a few wee bits like weeding. The dogs can't dig this part of the garden up - think about fencing it from the bits where they CAN dig up your petunias) And think about lots and lots of pots - I mean flat blocked areas always love some pots.

Small wooden shed with wood store area
What it should say - the house uses alot of wood for the stoves so there's a stash of that in a shed by the kitchen door. Its tall and bonnie, might make a good kennel if you lift the upper level with shelving - keep wood and mutts dry in inclement weather. Or think about moving it, whilst its bonnie, its probably better converted to a 'compost toilet' up the middle/top of the garden to save dashes into the house in your wellies.

A gate to the other side of the property leads to the front street. 
What it should say. A proper full size gate in great nick leads to the garden from the parking area at the side, there was a garage there, its gone now. Food for thought. This gate is 6ft tall - so any dashes into the garden on this side dans your undies is probably OK. PS Oil tank is here - think about a few climbers to hide it. 

Two steps lead from the patio to the upper level which is laid mainly to lawn with well stocked borders offering an array of  mature plants, shrubs bushes and trees including apple trees.

What it should say - two hops up the steps gets you to the goodies and the garden. A large border with mature  stuff is looked over by a stunning looking old apple tree (1 - not plural)  which really champions the garden. To the side more beds, a rowan, an old dresser with tastefully planted bulbs sits watching. Sit on the bench and take in the views. Tip toe up through the lawn (be nice to it we all know its time is limited) there's no excuse for lawns unless you have small children or a croquet set - its days are numbered. After that, you get to the first proper shed - you'll pot in here. Over the way from this shed is shed number three - its big enough for his bikes, let him be happy and have it. 

Rotary drier. 
What it should say - Measure distance between house and drier to fathom how quick it will take you to dash out in your pants to retreave your jeans. Think about putting some screening up on the side with the small gate. Whilst you THINK you'll never dash out to get your jeans or your top, history tells us otherwise. Plan ahead dear girl. Gardeners wash their clothes ALOT.

Garden shed. 
What is should say - This is your girl cave, potting and tool shed and place for all your inventions. Treat it well it is your sanctuary. However, the conifers in the pots - rehome them in someone else's garden.  Unless its a christmas tree or monkey puzzle or perhaps a juniper, we aint interested in conifers.
An additional larger shed provides ample storage  facilities. 
What it should say - biggest and will fit his bikes, keep him happy and make it a bike park. This keeps the bikes out of the kitchen. Win win *also sneak things in here when he's not looking, apply the phrase 'that old thing, had it for ages' frequently.

There is an additional section to the extreme rear which is laid with bark.
What it should say - someone's pollarded some trees (poplar?) up here, I think, they think, they're dead, they're not, just 5ft  tall, almost as wide and a bit confused perhaps they've been pollarded for a dwarf? They need a bit of thought as currently they're just not very happy and attempting to grow.

In good news the trees have been largely mulched with wood chip and stacked wood for the fires around the edges to make a cute path. There's a laburnum up here which seems quite happy and a gate out to the field. Best not start measuring up other folks fields just yet......I wonder if the chooks need a view of the field. You know, just to plot their escape, its only a matter of time.

And if you've got this far - you deserve to see a photo of it...
As I say, an apple tree presides.  Patio behind us, shed number 2 in the far reaches, hiding the barked area behind. And as for the grass, lets be nice to it  for now- its on its way out. There's alot of oranges/yellows and reds in this garden. I feel a change of palette coming on.


  1. I'm just relieved it's not only me that does the pants thing.....

    1. Very common for all good gardeners.

  2. Oh sweet Jesus (other sons of other deities are available), you have previous for 'flagrante lingerio'?!

    1. Arrested and everything. I'm a hard core gardener I go out for my jeans and stay out all day.

  3. Its enormous Fay, plenty of room to play outside all day, and there's always your girl-cave if its wet. Love the gentle hint to himself that his bikes won't be lonely. Am very excited for you, can't wait to see what you do with it all!!

    1. It is indeed a gracefully good size without the need for a greenkeeper. I'm assuming as windy as Fife can be as its coastal (but we're 3 miles inland) that the shelter of the walls/fence will create a wee microclimate. I can't have him having lonely bikes now can I. The strimmer, shredder and peedie mower said they'd help out. I ordered my first plants, which might cheekily get there before I do!

  4. Sympathise, in my on going house hunting, I go to the garden description first, which is always useless, lacking in detail and dimensions and usually over doing the large or generous garden........ they are never large nor generous. Read tiny and no use to a gardener on the hunt for new ground to landscape, nurture and create a garden in. But I may have just found a new home for the Quirky Bird gardener, fingers crossed the mortgage man crunches the numbers right :) Your new garden looks great, looking forward to seeing how you put your own stamp on it :)

    1. How true hardly any description tells you very much of anything. I am however crossing my fingers for you.