Monday 13 June 2011

Coming clean....

What a weekend its been, a nice walk, 6 teenage boys for a sleepover, setting up for a charity event, participating in said charity event I took my recycled wellie shoes  (forgot to take ANY pictures - whoops we did manage to help a few folk and hopefully gave a bit of decent advice!), cinema trips and then a mega clean up session at home for Mr Flowers and his dear Mum's arrival for a holiday. Phew! Nothing focuses the mind like expecting visitors! However, like any working mum and family the chores got done and we managed a 'bit' of time together. My son swapped sleepover fodder being collected from Kirkwall (pizza fizzy juice and gummy bears) for hoovering, a fair swap in my opinion - he avoided shopping, I avoided hoovering - happy result for both of us. Perfect chore bartering - I like it! Even peedie is known to pitch in!

I then had the luxury of my daughter (the tomato guzzling cellist) natter to me during most of the cleaning. When her chores were done she also sat crossed legged on the freezer, which as every child knows is a good place to sit despite there being ample chairs around the utility room! She's reading Harry Potter VI, we're so familiar with these books (we have the audio copies of all 7 of them) that within a sentence we know exactly where we are. So as I cleaned up, she read, us both giggling about the voices she was attempting to put on for each character! What a hoot.

Visitors arrived, house cleaned, book half read, me still in my PJ's (Sunday 2pm) all in all not a bad start to the day. I thanked the cellist wholeheartedly for her reading, I love it when folk read to me. She was a bit quizzical about my enthusiastic thank you, and the huge hug she got but was happy enough. A bit daft maybe, but its one of those lovely things in life that I really appreciate. But, it got me to thinking, why do I love it so. Now I know the answer to this, but she didn't. Could I be brave I wondered? Could I come clean?

Now I'm not what you might call the bravest of people - if I'm honest I'm pretty cowardly. Fact. But, I wanted to talk to her about something which required bravery. Not your average 'fight a dragon' bravery or go to the dentist or the hairdresser bravery (both of these terrify me), I just needed a bit of courage. Its a bit daft but I was worried how she'd react if I told her my secret - not that its a bad secret, just a bit embarrassing.

A gentle knock on the bedroom door, I popped in again to say how much I'd enjoyed the reading and if we could do it again sometime that would be great. I'm a big fan of children's books, I love the imagery of the language used and often the short, simple, story. Again the quizzical look, 'Of course' she said! All the courage in the universe (well a bit of it anyway) mustered I blurted it out...............The reason I love it when other people read out loud is quite simply, I can hardly read out loud myself. Well, I can read out loud, but I'm very very bad at it and I find it hugely difficult.

Phew there it is out there - I'm 43 and a bit and I can't read out loud very well. I read, ferociously we all do, but when I read out loud I break into a sweat, I stutter, mumble and stumble over the words. I read very quickly, my eyes are three lines ahead of my mouth, I mix everything up, get very shaky and often burst into tears. I've got through school (somehow, often avoiding those 'read out' days), got through several bashes at university courses. And, post graduate study. I'm not uneducated, so why do I still feel embarrassed and stupid when I can't do something so simple as read out loud? I'm not alone in this I know and you manage, generally to avoid doing it! As my children grew, I either made up stories or we listened to audio tapes or I encouraged them to read out loud together, but I've seldom managed to read a whole story without a bit of improvisation to cover up my problem.

Why was I so scared, I guess its so rooted in childhood memories and embarrassment that I keep it pretty much to myself. When I was diagnosed with dyslexia two years ago - alot of things made sense. The hardest part of the diagnosis process was when the lady asked me to read to her. I told her 'I can't, I've never been able to' and burst into tears. She was great but coaxed me along anyway and gave me so much information after the diagnosis. It's helped me accept certain aspects of myself. For which I'm very grateful.

The cellist was great, not that she's never great, as teenage girls go, this cellist is alright let me tell you. Well, she told me, I'll just have to read to you then won't I? And a huge hug. Acceptance and love, whilst never taken for grated are truly wonderful when given. She told me not to be ashamed about it. I feel so much better now that I've come clean. I might even give reading a go with her, she'll tease me in good heart and encourage me too. I'm still wibbly about it all, but I'm happier for telling her.

Useful links to more dyslexia information and apologies if there are spelling mistakes too, I'll check them properly when home, the spell check on here isn't working!.

[Edited in - Blogger won't let me comment so I'm reading and trying to comment back to you but its not being very helpful at the moment - thank  you for popping past and I will comment when I can!]



22 comments:

  1. What a heart-warming post. We have dyslexia in the family too. It can have a big effect on people's lives and nobody has a sticker on their forehead saying "dyslexia" do they? At least schools are much better at offering support now.

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, this post completely slipped under the net! Thanks Janet. I think some schools are great but there's a lot to do.

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  2. i appreciate you honesty and i think your daughter sounds like a lovely person. it's wonderful to have that kind of support within your own family and good for you for sharing with her about your feelings. I agree with you that children's books have great imagery.

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, I'm thankful for a lovely family and support thanks JTS!

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  3. We all have weaknesses of some sort ...
    I love the way you write and live your life to the full.

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, We try too - if there's anything in life you can do its appreciate it and live it eh?

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  4. A member of my family was finally diagnosed in his 30's with dyslexia. School was a nightmare for him (they didn't seem to think he had a problem, except for laziness!!) and even today he doesn't read much because he gets "lost" easily.

    Despite all that, he has educated himself and hold several professional qualifications.

    And his wife reads the Harry Potter books to him too!!

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, that sounds so familiar and I'm so glad he's got a reading friendly wife!

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  5. At school someone said to me enviously, the English teacher always asks the same 3 to read. And I hadn't realised, till he said that. 1st 2nd or 3rd, yes it was usually me. Lord of the Flies. Still a weird book, I'd rather hear the cellist reading Harry Potter. 'Specially since we live in Harry Potterville ;~)

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    1. It is a wierd book. Sorry for not replying sooner, Harry Potterville you say!

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  6. Very brave lady I am sure that (despite your daughter would have always been understanding because she is your daughter) you found that difficult. As recently as a few years ago I realised that when I started school I struggled to read. I used to have one to one lessons and was told it was because I was so good. I had to read out to the teacher every day. I was 42 before I suddenly realised the truth!. My Mum thought it quite funny that I always believed that I was a fantastic reader. I was one of the lucky ones and that gave me confidence. I think that you should read together with the cellist, practice on your own in the bedroom. The more you do it the easier it will become. And anyway it isnt the end of the world if you cant overcome the fear and just accept it as one of your not very strong points. We all have them.

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, thanks Cheri! Its funny how we tell our children such lovely things to get them through the day when probably she was desperate for you to not be upset. What a lovely Mum. x

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  7. I'm not great at reading aloud either to tell you the truth...I stammer and stutter a lot which I don't do *often* when speaking normally. I'm better than I used to be - in part I think as I decided to try to tackle it by reading in short bursts, reading out, for example, a few lines of a letter I've written so I know the content well before I start. Why not try reading in short bursts out loud when you are on your own - no pressure then, no feeling that anyone is going to laugh at you or ridicule. Try a couple of sentences at a time, no more. Gradually build up until you feel confident reading to the Cellist maybe? As for improvising stories to your kids - brilliant! Far more original than any standard shop-bought story, so good for you! (and being able to improvise successfully is a far better and more useful skill to master than reading out loud I reckon!)

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    1. I've used your strategies too - thanks for posting them :)

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  8. Thanks for this lovely post I found it so interesting as a teacher. My friend has just started up a support group for parents of dyslexic kids in our local area in Australia. Interestingly, she's found that there really isn't much support here and the schools and staff she's encountered know very little about it - which I find shocking and surprising given the numbers of children affected.

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, I'm so glad you found it interesting and that your friend has started up a group to help, I hope that's going well.

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  9. What a lovely post! The whole thing, actually - not only your confession - poor you! I do feel for you - but also the cellist sitting on the freezer reading to you, you greeting Mr Stripes' mum in your pjs at 2pm, Peedie helping with the cleaning - you've made a lovely life for yourself, and your humour AND your own imagery are wonderful. You'd be great at writing children's books yourself, actually, I really think you would.

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    1. I've a mind to write a comedic how not to grow veg.......will keep you posted. Sorry for not replying sooner!

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  10. I loved the imagery in this post - I felt I was there with the cellist sitting on the washer! You are blessed to have such a wonderful daughter. Thanks for sharing - you're a hero!

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    1. Sorry for not replying sooner, I'm not a hero, just a bumbling mum! And, she's away at the moment in New Zealand adventuring. Lucky lass.

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  11. I work with children who have dyslexic tendencies - why? because I went through school thinking that I was a failure because I could not spell. Immediately people saw that as a measure of my intelligence - despite getting into a selective high school and I was able to read. Now I know that I will never turn the children I work with into brilliant readers and spellers but they will be able to deal with this. Hopefully they have the strategies to get them out of difficult places and find away round what they can't do - and see that as a strength. These children are sometimes some of the most creative children I have worked with since training as a primary school teacher. I was awarded a bursary to train to teach people with dyslexia - I was so glad of that encouragement to do the extra training. I tell people I can't spell. I freeze if I am asked to take minutes at a meeting. I have some days worse than others - when I can't think how to even start a word - so I have to think of an alternative. But this all helps me to teach these children. Recognise difficulties and build on the strengths you have - Labels might explain but I won't let the children hide behind that label of dyslexia or use it as an excuse. Our motto is -'Get out and show them what you CAN do.'
    Your daughter is a star!

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    1. What a lovely motto. Sorry for not replying sooner, I love that we all develop our own strategies and that you're helping others to do that. You're a hero you know!

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